Merdeka?

Stayed over at Mummy's place last night. Wasn't really planning to..but as I was leaving, I felt bad..Daddy kept looking at me..so yeah..Slept in between Mummy and Daddy. Woke up for sahur around 4:30 in the morning, had cereal and went to sleep :)

After waking up, I helped Mummy sort out her make-up and jewellery and she started going on about her issues. It was kinda funny cuz at the same time, she was telling me about how she's not going to tell me anything! haha..Typical Mummy.. :)..So yeah, she started saying that if I do anything that doesn't make her happy (a.k.a. getting hitched to a foreigner), she'dd disown me but if I played my cards right, everything she had would be mine..I basically just listened to her, kept quiet, nodded my head..and just did not bother taking in whatever she said.

Went downstairs after that. Watched a bit of Ironman with Daddy, then Daddy went off to rest for a while..I feel bad for Daddy..He's just not himself these days..He misses me and I know it..I miss them too..It's hard for me to just suddenly leave and forget about the past 19 years of living with them as their baby..I should be with them now but I'm not because of the mistakes I've done..My mistakes haunt me everyday yet I still manage to get myself into messes..I can't suddenly just decide to go back home now either cuz I can't even survive one day without getting disturbed..

Went to pray..and then I lay down beside Mummy..and she asked me to read this article bout sex education and she made me read it loud..haha..so I did..and she started going on bout how bad sex is and all that and that I'm old enough to know about sex..What I don't get is, everyone expects me to be wise enough to make the right decisions in life..at the same time, they don't allow me to be exposed to anything, they keep sheltering me..and yeah, for the past 19 years, I've practically been Mummy and Daddy's baby for god's sake! So seriously, how am I supposed to make the right, responsible choices in life??

After that, Mummy told me that I made a huge mistake and that it was really bad that I was in a relationship with Aleem..At first, I just nodded my head..After a while, I couldn't take it anymore..I told her that it wasn't a mistake..I mean, all I did was fall in love for the first time in my life..Yes, I know that I moved a little fast..It's not something I usually do..It was an amazing feeling..I felt emotions that I never knew that I was capable of feeling..and eventhough we're not together now..and I doubt we'll ever be together..I'm still thankful that I met him although I got into sooo much trouble..As when I was with him, for the first time in my life, I didn't feel so screwed up after all, I felt..like I was actually worth something..For once, I could actually bring happiness to someone..For once, I didn't need to pretend to happy all the time..I could sulk, be moody and cry in front of someone..For once, I felt beautiful, perfect...How can this be a mistake?

When he left, all this was gone..I felt as if my whole world was crumbling..For a week, I couldn't stop crying..I thought that I would never stop crying..but I eventually did..

Nothing else happened today...I'm gonna buka puasa later..study..go online for a lil while..go off to sleep..another typical day :)

It really didn't feel like much of a Merdeka today..hmm..